Copied from Friend--Barb!

MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW - bring the wheelchair . BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up. TTYL -talk to you louder! Repost to share a laugh!

Bad day at Hallmark

Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day?



My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat..

Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


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Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'


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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

(Boy, this card would have come in handy back when I got married!)

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


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I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ...

I've changed my mind.


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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


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When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise...


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We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


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Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


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So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay